Interesting. Thanks for your feedback.
But what about all of us that are raised with a strong feminine figure (my mother) and still know the bread and butter of how to behave accordingly in different situations. The modern family does not only include husband and wife that was the ideal 70 years ago. The nuclear(i hope this is the right word) family can be many types in the western world.
Your formulation could make one wonder if you are a tad conservative, in this context with all the missing masculinity while growing up. With your reasoning, a black male raised by a gay couple or a divorced woman would be in a higher risk of becoming a law breaking citizen.
If i would point out an parallell to your definiation of black community, is that of our segregated areas in our bigger towns. Most of those areas are filled mostly by immigrants and a large amount of them are muslims. Most of them are traditional and keep many of their cultural aspects from origin countrys. The father is the dominant figure and honour is very important for them. You don´t see many of them divorce like the rest of us swedes does. But still with all this presene of a strong and dominant father, the young boys shows a higher disregard for police, fire department and ambulance, than the rest of us Swedes.
I don´t know if this is a isolated phenomen within black communities, but as I see it we need more female interaction rather than that of absent father figures.
From 4.29 mark shows a trio that in my opinion would not be the ideal father figures while upbringing a young black boy.
I think you misunderstand my post. The lack of the actual biological fathers causes part of the problem but I was talking about is the lack of fatherly figure/archetype in general.
But let me address the example of the immigrants you mentioned. I'm very familiar with this. Immigrant kids growing up with their dads spending most of the time making a living or hiding from the law (from being illegal) or not speaking the language experience the same lack of a father figure in their lives just like the dads weren't there. I personally know a few and they are just as
lost, insecure and rebellious as the fatherless ones.
I know a kid who couldn't communicate with his dad because the dad didn't speak English and my friend's native language was so basic that he couldn't discuss anything of substance with his father. After a while, the kid decided to grow up by himself. The dad being a truck driver didn't help either. For example, when the teacher wanted to talk to one of his parents, it was always his mom because the dad didn't want to embarrass himself for not speaking the language. Things like this are huge for a kid because he needs to see how his father makes decisions and how they impact his life. Fathers and mothers make decision differently and he needs to experience both.
A child needs a nurturing figure and a protective figure in his life. He looks to the nurturing figure for comfort and the protective figure for strength, protection and guidance. And the protective figure is where he starts his relationship with
authority. He needs to be able to trust this figure as a loving and authoritative figure.
If he doesn't have this relationship established, he's gonna have problems with any kind of authority in his life. He's gonna be rebellious and insecure because he cannot trust what's above him.
It's like a dog being left alone at home without the owner, he just goes nuts, starts digging and destroying the house. Because he's
anxious and insecure, much like a rebellious kid without a father figure. The dog might get aggressive with other dogs. Aggression comes from fear which comes from anxiety and insecurity. But as soon as the owner returns, he's back to normal again. Not only that but if the owner (the authority figure) is weak or abusive, the dog starts having the same symptoms again. So the authority figure needs to be both strong and trustworthy.
Back to the child, if the nurturing figure has to be the protective figure at the same time like a single mother, the kid is gonna have problems. Imagine an archetypal scenario where the dad disciplines a kid and he runs to mom for comfort. There's a balance there. The dad is there to make sure he's not too spoiled by mommy and the mom is there to make sure daddy doesn't beat him to death. But now that mom and dad are the same person, it gets very confusing.
This happens a lot in black single mother households. The mother disciplines the kid, but in the back of his mind he thinks "
you're my mommy, you're not supposed to beat me", the mother gets frustrated, beats him some more. But this only makes the kid
resentful and rebellious. Because his first connection to her is that of the nurturing figure, if she beats him then who can he run to for comfort? So at the end of the day, the kid grows up without a good relationship with authority.
So to what you mentioned what constitutes a traditional family and what's not, all I'm saying is a kid needs 2 figures in his life: a nurturing figure and a protective figure who he can respect and trust. Anything outside of this configuration is a recipe for disaster.
My criticism on the black community is not only that it doesn't have enough physical fathers in kids' lives, but
the community as a whole is not fatherly enough.
Why is it that out of hundreds of people interviewed about black shootings,
everyone acts like the mother: "oh, poor baby, mean cops, we're hurting..."
Not one person says "
We need discipline in our young men, we need to talk about us having problems with obeying orders", "We need to be real men, we need snap out of this bullshit"...basically the things a father would say, or something a king would decree.
I'm so sick of seeing big burly black men crying poor baby on TV, acting like
surrogate mothers when the community needs real father figures. I mean would it cost you so much to step up and say "Young men, it's time to shape up!"?
