A confession to my fellow sherdoggers. It's been about half a year since I broke up with my most recent ex. Near the end, we were kind of off and on, on and off even though we both knew the relationship was in a downward spiral because we both couldn't quit each other. Some of my silly dating antics with various women, whom I have started threads on, have really been about trying to cushion the inevitable emotional blow. It was a very toxic and turbulent relationship that did a number on me. I've felt emotionally abused and although rare, at times she even physically abused me. I could make an endless list of reasons why she was toxic, but I cannot say she's the only one at fault. I am not proud of the way I reacted to her anger in some instances. I never hit her of course, as I don't think I could live with myself if I did, but there are times I wanted to and I for sure hurt her with words as she has hurt me. I was, and still am ashamed with myself for the way I behaved to the person I love, regardless of how she treated me. In the end, I just couldn't do it anymore and had to end it. Even the end wasn't really a clean break up. She refused to break up with me, which was ironic since she has angrily told me many times that she should leave me and she has actually left me before. To appease her, I told her we need at least a break to see if we can keep doing this, which made her flip out, but I told her I need the time and we didn't contact each other since. Six months pass...I still think about her quite a lot. It fucks with my day actually because I get almost PTSD flashbacks of all the fights and how much she attacked me. It's not so much that I miss her and want to get back with her, but the emotional stress, the fights, and how I reacted to all of it still messes with me. The very hurtful things she said to me still ring in my ears and it fucks up my confidence. I've had break ups before, I've had shitty relationships before, but none of them had the intensity of this recent disaster. I had an ex-fiance of three years and she was easier to get over than this. For whatever reason, my recent ex really did a number on me, and I don't know how to get over it, other than more time I guess.. I know the go-to advice for getting over an ex is to meet and fuck other girls but that hasn't been really helpful for me. I'm not a killer but I've met several women so far and I am seeing one currently. She is actually quite a remarkable person but I am not able to be emotionally available for her and it makes me wonder if she's wasting her time with me. I've been doing all the right things like focusing on working out, going on trips, meeting my buddies, making new buddies, drinking (a lot), putting my energy into new activities like learning Spanish and guitar, and even banging the occasional girl...but I still wake up to nightmares of her. I feel like I should've gotten over her in a couple months, but no. Cliffs: 1. Can't get over ex 2. How to get over ex?