Are kids not that great?

Yellowking said:
Oh na I just made it up
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Someone actually took a survey at some point in time. I either read about it or heard about it on something and I can't remember where. It or course wasn't 90%. But it definitely was higher than you would think.
 
if you do it right, having children to me is a selfless act. i know that i don't want to have kids, at least not at the moment. it's a lot of work and sacrifice. childless adults who say stuff like that are completely self-involved and oblivious to the work it takes to raise children.
 
Yellowking said:
Like 90% of people that have kids wish they didn't. That's an actual stat. Oh they'll say it's the best shit ever, but it's just thinly held self delusion for survival. They've been screaming inside their mind since that kid was born.
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There's no way that stat is true. Almost every parent says that it's hard but it's well worth it.

And there's another argument here that some people have mentioned, that parents encourage others to have kids just so they'll also be miserable. But generally people don't do that to each other. If you just had laser eye surgery and it went horribly wrong, you don't go around telling all your friends they have to get the same surgery. People don't work that way.
 
Jack Reacheround said:
Someone actually took a survey at some point in time. I either read about it or heard about it on something and I can't remember where. It or course wasn't 90%. But it definitely was higher than you would think.
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The % is probably about even with those who regret NOT having kids...and likely just a "grass is greener on the other side" deal. I would also venture to guess that the vast majority of those who regret having kids are divorced. I don't know anyone happily married who regrets having kids. Of course, there's not that many people happily married! haha
 
I am one who has been guilty of telling a co-worker he should have children. He was talking like it was the end of the world because he missed out on a promotion and that shit doesn't really matter that much. If one of my daughters had an accident and I had to skip an important meeting that meant I wouldn't get a pay rise (for example), I wouldn't care and would get to the doctor ASAP. He had spoken about a family before so I was more trying to get him to put things in perspective rather than trying to convince him to breed.

Parenting isn't for everyone though. There are moments when I absolutely hate being a parent and it actually gets me really depressed. But those moments are happening less frequently thankfully.
 
Al Gorithm said:
You don't think most people ever have any what if thoughts ?
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Most people have what if thoughts on a variety of things in life. Doesnt mean any of them revolve around the prospect of having children.

a study of a few thousand people who decided not to have kids showed them to be happy with their decision even into advanced age.

http://sciencenordic.com/older-people-just-happy-without-children


Al Gorithm said:
Y. I have a hard time buying that deep down most people are not at least really curious what its like to have a healthy relationship with an offspring. Its a fairly deeply ingrained biological impulse.
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And yet here we are with people who have no urge for offspring. I came from a good family as well so theres no psychological analysis that can be deduced to explain why. I simply have not had any urge to. Its never simply been there.
 
It more depends on your wife and the family. I'm divorced, never see my son, as he lives on the other side of the world, so it sucks. However, they can transform lives and give a type of happiness you never knew existed.
 
TeTe said:
But would you be willing to admit that there are some people in this world that shouldn't reproduce?
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How would you know. Some shitty people are changed for the better after having kids. A healthy society should value having and raising kids. Its ine of the most valuable thing you can do as a human being.
 
esotamoc said:
How would you know. Some shitty people are changed for the better after having kids. A healthy society should value having and raising kids. Its ine of the most valuable thing you can do as a human being.
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Casey_Anthony_Mugshot.jpeg
 
LEGS MAHONEY said:
Most people have what if thoughts on a variety of things in life. Doesnt mean any of them revolve around the prospect of having children.

a study of a few thousand people who decided not to have kids showed them to be happy with their decision even into advanced age.

http://sciencenordic.com/older-people-just-happy-without-children




And yet here we are with people who have no urge for offspring. I came from a good family as well so theres no psychological analysis that can be deduced to explain why. I simply have not had any urge to. Its never simply been there.
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Fair enough. I can admit that I've mostly arrived at my conclusions via my own biases. Obviously there are people all over the spectrum, people that have kids and regret it , people that have non and regret it and everything in between , and that's great. Its pretty fucking stupid to try and distill the human condition down to one of two possibilities. On that note Can you also acknowledge that some schmoe going " naw....you secretly hate your kids and are just jealous" would be a ridiculous and contentious thing to say to a complete stranger with no context? Why wouldn't it provoke a less than civil response ? Its simply not something that someone that wasn't going out of their way to be a dick would say.

It would be like me continuing to insist that things you just relayed in your post are in fact bull shit, in spite of you yourself claiming otherwise.

I'm closing in on 40 myself and I've noticed an abrupt shift in enough people first
hand that were initially adamant about not having children to at least surmise some sort of correlation with aging and a softening of perspective on this issue , at least in more than a few cases. Admittedly probably driven by aging women considerably more often than men.
 
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If you have good kids they are a blessing. If your kids are fucked up they are a curse. i can't imagine what I would do if my kids were drug addicts, or even worse like trannies or something.
 
Kids are incredible. The problem is the shitty parents who fuck them up with bad parenting, abuse or not being there at all.
 
Jack Reacheround said:
Of course they say that. Would they really admit to themselves, or you, that it was a mistake and they hate it? That's a mistake that comes with an 18 year commitment at least. People have a hard enough time admitting they were in the wrong if they rear end someone.
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Sure...but you can also flip that reasoning around, too.
"Of course people who chose not to have kids don't want to admit that they made a mistake and are missing out on something great. Would they really admit it? It's even bigger than an 18 yr commitment - it's an 'entire rest of your life' decision."

Now, to be clear, I'm a big advocate for people who feel confident that they don't want them to go ahead and follow through and not be pressured into something that they don't want.

But as far as your point about denial goes - both sides have psychological motivation to not admit a potentially regrettable choice.
However, most parents are a more reliable source of information than non-parents. Unless they have their kids really young, parents know what it's like to be an adult with them and to be an adult without them. Non-parents only know what it's like to be an adult without them.
 
Jack Reacheround said:
So, how would you know just how awesome it is to never have kids? Because it's pretty awesome. And you have no basis for comparison except for maybe your early twenties, which is vastly different than being in your 30s with no kids, or your 40s.
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Don't be a dummy. We all lived withiut kids and remember not wanting them. I was 33 before I had my first.
 
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