8 years with my instructor...and we parted ways

[NateTx4112]

I'm still processing everything as I've been "under" his instruction for 25% of my life basically. It would have been 8 years with him in a few weeks. I went White-Black under him, had our differences of opinions at times where I have almost quit 3-4 times over the years.

Go back about 18 months ago I moved from Arlington Tx back to Irving (both inside DFW) but I also was remodeling that house, planning a wedding, etc. So the drive/traffic cut my training from 4 times a week to maybe once a week. I started cross training more at lunch open mats (near my work in Irving) as well as found a gym 1 mile from my house with a very reasonable drop in rate.

3 months ago I got the opportunity to open my own school, literally fell in my lap. I'm now teaching classes 5 days a week between that as well as another school I get paid per class, wife is expecting and I'm flat out busy. My membership agreement was up so I did not renew.

Got the phonecall of "lets talk about an affiliation" and I decided not to go with him. We have a different philosophy on BJJ/Life and business so it wasn't a good fit (plus was not cost friendly for the benefits). Really just rambling but at this point I am a "free agent" persay, and feel good about my decisions. It still feels a little bit like a break up with a girlfriend after being so long under him and he did a great job of teaching me BJJ thru purple. After that you really take on your own training and I have some guys (the guys in Irving) who've helped me to that next level personally.

Don't know what the point is, just felt like sharing.

 

[.paradoxxii]

I'm glad you could set the things right to fit the jiu jitsu with your personal life.

And about cutting ties - I'm sure it won't make any less grateful or respectful to your teacher.

The way you talk you sound like you have the same bjj philosophy as me.

All the best for your school and bjj

 

[Ez Eric]

You never know where life is going to take you sometimes.

Just curious, do you think you will stay in touch with each other? Are you still on good enough terms to where you could still go visit/train with your old instructor every once in a while? Or would that be too awkward?

 

[NateTx4112]

I'll see him at tournaments but I 98% sure I will never get a phone call from him to "catch up" as that's been his MO for anyone else who's left (not many higher ranks stay long term). I did mention I would like to drop in sometime down the road and he kinda seemed ok with it. But I also know I'll be charged a mat fee ($50 is his mat fee...no that's not a joke).

 

[Balto]

I'm on good terms with all of my instructors in the martial arts (a good chunk after 27 years now), so I don't have a whole lot to offer on that front. I will say sounds like it went about as well as any tie severing event ever does. I've seen a lot worse.

One thing I will say is that it really helps, even at black belt, if you can find another coach. You need to take charge of your own training more than before, but a coach still helps. It sounds like you and your previous coach diverged so that wasn't a good fit anymore. But that doesn't mean there are no other good fits out there.

Going it alone is really, really hard. Even for a black belt. See if you can establish a relationship with a coach that is a better fit. I don't mean just an affiliation either but a real meaningful relationship that helps your training and your students as well.

Take care of the relationship first, and the affiliation tends to be easy. Yes it probably costs some money, but a good coach provides value so that makes sense. Getting an affiliation without establishing a real relationship does not work out well.

 

[Ez Eric]

Well, hopefully when you see him at Tournaments he will say hi, shake hands, ask how you are doing, etc. Little small talk. At least that would be better than completely ignoring you like he has never seen you before.

They really can't be mad about the fact that you moved to a different area. Coaches can't expect all their students to stay in the same city for life and never move away. The only thing he might be mad about is the affiliation thing but it sounds like you told him your reasons.

Hopefully everything can at least remain somewhat civil when you run into him at Tournaments.

And wow. $50 mat fee. I doubt I would ever do that no matter how much I loved the instructor.

 

[Uchi Mata]

Is normal. People and situations change, if it wasn't best fit anymore so be it. Sounds like the reasons were legit, though that doesn't make it any easier or less awkward. 8 years is a long time.

 

[cjd]

Do you think posting about it on Sherdog has the potential to make it awkward?

I mean, it's not exactly a secret who either of you is. And while you didn't have anything bad to say, people tend to not appreciate having their business dealings brought up in a public forum. And the picture you painted of him and his instruction wasn't exactly super flattering either.

 

[the heed]

Time does heal wounds.. I mean if BJ Penn and Ralph can be friendly to each other now.. I think you and your instructor will be cool at one point.

 

[aunshi189]

Make sure you're not holding a baby if you run into him at any tournaments. Just in case.

 

[lechien]

Good on you for not accepting the affiliation.

I tried to make it work (by trying to stay affiliated as long as i could) and it was just made it worst and it soured an already estranged relationship.

The good news is I have more students since I am independent.

 

[liuk3]

Wish you the best in your new endeavors. If you don't mind sharing, what differences are there in terms of BJJ/business philosophy? Could also just share your personal thoughts/philosophy.

 

[NateTx4112]

Make sure you're not holding a baby if you run into him at any tournaments. Just in case.

He wouldn't do that. I'll say hi to him when I see him, shake his hand, small talk and we will just kind of continue going our way.

Good on you for not accepting the affiliation.
I tried to make it work (by trying to stay affiliated as long as i could) and it was just made it worst and it soured an already estranged relationship.
The good news is I have more students since I am independent.

It just didn't provide my guys with a huge benefit for the cost. I could take that money and better spend it on marketing (for more students), getting our own building sooner, or just paying for them to compete. I'm pretty much going to do BJJ Globetrotters I'm sure.

Wish you the best in your new endeavors. If you don't mind sharing, what differences are there in terms of BJJ/business philosophy? Could also just share your personal thoughts/philosophy.

My philosophy is very open door/open training. Bring in friends often (within reason, they can't be dropping in weekly and train for free), cross train often, be friends with your rival gyms. I literally brought in the instructor from the gym 3 miles away, introduced him after warmups and had him teach class. I know this is a hobby for 90% of my guys, I push them but not to the point of them hating it. The competitors get a little extra push but if they say "hey I got my kids XYZ tonight," I tell them get home and take care of family first.

My instructor is very hard nosed/competition/always be grinding and a bit of us vs. them attitude. He would allow drop ins some but usually charged a high fee, open mats became "drilling and grappling class, no rounds off or you had to leave", speeches at the end of class on how you should be training harder/like a champion at all times. His mindset is BJJ should come first and you tell your family you will catch up with them later/after dinner because you have to get your training in.

It's very much a hobbyist school vs. a borderline competition school. If you were a hobbyist you were treated ok but didn't get the attention unless you really competed/won stuff. I try to make sure all my guys get feedback and I roll with them often. I haven't rolled with my instructor but maybe 7 times in 8 years. He's a GREAT high level competitor, knows a TON of BJJ, but just our paths are slightly different so it was time for me to move on in my direction.

 

[anaconda]

Do you think posting about it on Sherdog has the potential to make it awkward?

I mean, it's not exactly a secret who either of you is. And while you didn't have anything bad to say, people tend to not appreciate having their business dealings brought up in a public forum. And the picture you painted of him and his instruction wasn't exactly super flattering either.

Nate has always been very complimentary of this old gym, posting about their impressive competition results, and so forth. He also seems like a good guy who would not go out of his way to badmouth anyone.

From his other post his reasoning makes sense and personally I totally get it. Luckily, my coach also understands that BJJ is just no longer a priority in my life so I've been able to work it out that way. But I understand why Nate did what he did.

Good luck man!

 

[Cappy Goodtime]

Time does heal wounds.. I mean if BJ Penn and Ralph can be friendly to each other now.. I think you and your instructor will be cool at one point.

Are Ralph and BJ friendly or are you going off of the youtube video of a really awkward phone call between the two?

 

[Balto]

Luckily, my coach also understands that BJJ is just no longer a priority in my life so I've been able to work it out that way.

Still choked me last time even in your weakened form!

 

[lechien]

He wouldn't do that. I'll say hi to him when I see him, shake his hand, small talk and we will just kind of continue going our way.
It just didn't provide my guys with a huge benefit for the cost. I could take that money and better spend it on marketing (for more students), getting our own building sooner, or just paying for them to compete. I'm pretty much going to do BJJ Globetrotters I'm sure.
.

Are you IBJJF certified?

If yes, you could just register your own team.

 

[NateTx4112]

Are you IBJJF certified?

If yes, you could just register your own team.

I do have a black belt card but I'm not IBJJF certified yet. Don't feel like paying the $70 a year to register my academy for 1 or 2 guys at this time. Maybe down the road.

 

[Balto]

Isn't that like $35/guy/year?

I wouldn't nickel and dime that one. Everyone tries that, and it comes back to bite them down the road when they need to participate more fully.

If you never plan on being a part of IBJJF again, then who cares. But otherwise it's just a cost of doing business. It's not even really that much.

 

[lechien]

In 2015, it used to be $50 to register your team.

But now the website states that it is $70 for your team.

Edit: $30 is for the individual membership.