How Dragonlordxxxxx became a Movie Messiah...

[A13KS]

Before the world we know existed, lived an ancient civilization which roamed the lands. They have left reminders of their existence through such astonishing creations as pyramids (some which are currently residing under waves of ocean water). Most of their kind were into that kind of thing, but one of them was not. In fact, one of them was more interested in capturing a moving image. Originally, he was captivated by the movement of a butterfly's wings with the sun in the background.


This wasn't enough for him though, he wanted to be able to save these images and replay them for himself.

Although he wasn't very popular, he also wasn't disliked. Dragonlordxxxxx, the 50th Dragonlord in the family, had been quiet and reserved as a child. He took no interests in designing modern day marvels, so he spent his days establishing a blueprint for a recording device.



His mother, Ronwah, aided him in achieving this goal by providing him some essential raw materials. Ronwah was interested in her son's curious mind, because she had wanted to use this "recording tool" as a way to capture the graceful movement of people on grass. In fact, she dreamed of one day witnessing a sporting event in which people hit balls back and forth between one another on a grass surface. She could not explain her vision, but maybe her son would be able to translate her thoughts one day.

His father, Oeshon, unfortunately died immediately after Dragonlordxxxxx has been born. When their ancient civilization existed, father's were the bearer of children. Their penises would swell up to the size of an elephant's trunk and deliver a baby within 9 days.


While his mother was mourning the loss of Oeshon, it was his uncle, Det Kimble, who inspired Dragonlordxxxxx's little mind. Every day they would eat blades of grass and pay close attention to the way the earth moved around them. Each surging stream, each beam of light and every little particle movement that could ever take place was noted by their eyes. When Dragonlordxxxxx turned 16, his birthday present was an abrupt and untimely departure from his homeland. The earth had been struck by a colossal rock, causing the entire climate of the planet to become destructive. Within weeks, the surface of the planet fell apart but before it did Dragonlordxxxxx was locked into a life preserving rocket chamber. Det Kimble had built the chamber for life threatening occasions, but it only had room for one occupant. As for himself, Det had created a cryogenic life preserving outfit.


With the number of dead civilians rising with each passing day, Dragonlordxxxxx was sent into outer space within 48 hours of impact. He spent many, many, many years secluded with only his thoughts. Although, that time alone is what lead to his most magnificent creation...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

Historians claim the movie camera was first invented around the 1890's, but that's simply a myth. Misinformed and ignorant, the masses had a movie camera on this earth long before that established date but their own violent actions lead to its destruction.

When Dragonlordxxxxx returned to the earth, he initially looked for his uncle. Unable to find him, he stumbled into a Greek village called Malaka. It was there that he met a great philosopher by the name of Socrates. When he explained to him the idea of a movie camera, Socrates was not bewildered or afraid of Dragonlordxxxxx's words. In fact, he could hardly hold back his tears as he grinned uncontrollably and hugged Dragonlordxxxxx.

It was Det Kimble. He had been using the cryogenic suit to stay alive for many generations. Excited beyond belief, the two shared many great moments together. Under his uncle's embrace and tutelage, Dragonlordxxxxx began crafting an early model of the movie camera. He was well on his way to enlightening the world with his vision, but disaster struck. An evil warlord by the name of tinobar attacked the village. His face was one that Dragonlordxxxxx could never forget...



Tinobar had sent his troops to devour the city of Malaka. The people were jerked out of their beds and slowly came to their deaths. Houses were burned, men AND women were raped, children were taken as slaves. It was more horrific than anything Dragonlordxxxxx could have ever envisioned. Three days after the attacks had begun, Det Kimble was captured by Tinobar himself. Unable to help his uncle against an army of barbarians, Dragonlordxxxxx grabbed the cryogenic outfit and ran far, far away. His uncle was surely dead, how he was killed... no one would ever want to know.

Two windy nights later, Dragonlordxxxxx fell asleep in his cryogenic suit for far too long. Waking out of his slumber with badly-burnt-almond-smelling skin.


His body felt like one enormously exposed nerve ending that needed some kind of protection. Seeking out help, he entered into an abandoned town called Tarbush. There he met an elderly doctor by the name of Afro Samurai. The doctor bandaged him up and used crushed tiger's bones to treat his wounds. When he asked the doctor about Tinobar, the doctor shook with fear.

Afro Samurai explained that Tinobar had taken his only son, CrayonWendigo, and murdered him in unspeakable ways. When Dragonlordxxxxx pushed the doctor for clarification, he revealed that the Tinobar's horse saddle was made out of CrayonWendigo's skin and hair. Afro Samurai told him to seek out a wise, old lady named Bubble Bath. She would tell the young man how to defeat Tinobar and his army.



When they met, Bubble Bath shared the story of a sleeping dragon lying on top of Mount Ararat.


It was understood that if Dragonlordxxxxx could take control of the dragon he would be able to use it against Tinobar. Although she couldn't aid him in the mission, she sent her most trusted guardian to help out Dragonlordxxxxx. CinderBlox was a creature of other realms, but he had the size, stamina and strength to fight any being on this earth. His long hair and manly stance made him seem more human than he actually was...



TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

Before they could reach the mountain, the duo had to test themselves through the maze known as Bukkake Forest. Each tree was heavily sapped, thus creating very sticky situations. Their first encounter with the wild was a talking wolf by the name of feedmelies.



The wolf tried to manipulate them through verbal trickery, because he was born without teeth and claws. Therefore he could not attack them physically. He lived on a high protein diet of Bukkake slugs and sticky insects while evading enemies. feedmelies would test the duo with math problems and riddles, but Dragonlordxxxxx was much smarter than "what weighs more, a thousand pounds of feathers or a thousand pounds of yeast". Eventually, CinderBlox couldn't take the verbal punishment any more so he grabbed the wolf. He launched it over his head like a shoulder press and then slammed it back down onto his knee. Breaking his back and paralyzing him.



The duo trekked on for 4 more days before finally reaching the mountain's summit. Once there, they witnessed a sleeping dragon with icicles hanging off of its nostrils and lips. Luckily for Dragonlordxxxxx, CinderBlox knew the secret words to awaken the dragon. "MAAAAR HAAABBBAAAA LA BAAAAAAAAAAAMBA!!!" his screams echoed into nothingness. The entire place was eerily quiet when suddenly one of the dragon's toes moved. It set off a chain of events as the mountain shook, the skies turned grey and the dragon shook off its icy shackles. As it stood it up, it immediately breathed fire into the cool air.



The dragon looked at them, gawking at the two adventurers like pieces of wet cabbage. Although neither one wanted to move, it was the dragon who made the first move. It stood there, reaching out its left "hand" towards Dragonlordxxxxx and CinderBlox. It was different from the right "hand", which was covered in scales and an amber color. This "hand" reaching out was almost a pale-ish blue color and had given off a very cool vibe. No scales covered it and it was as smooth as baby thighs.

Dragonlordxxxxx went to shake it with his own hand, but CinderBlox screamed out and batted his hand away. It was a trick the dragon would play on newcomers, by shaking his cool hand the dragon would freeze every living cell inside of your body. Thus, you would die before you even knew what happened to you. Within seconds the cells would have caused the dragon lord's body to burst into sparkling shards of glitter. The dragon was furious that someone denied his opening handshake. His wings spread out into the air and with a single thrust, he was flying straight into the air.

Circling around the mountain the dragon came back to the summit, flying directly at the duo. His eyes changed colors and sparks of fire dashed from between his teeth. The dragon's breath was headed in their direction, ready to burn them TO HELL!!!



TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

The dragon's breath grew nearer to Dragonlordxxxxx and his companion. Before he knew it, Dragonlordxxxxx was wrapped and completely covered in CinderBlox's arms. He felt a burst of warm air heating his body.



It was as if he were roasting marshmallows at a campfire and the heat from the flames was actually pleasing. Then the warmth turned into bitter cold as Dragonlordxxxxx opened his eyes to a falling CinderBlox. His companion had been badly burned and collapsed from the pain. Unable to move and unable to help, the image reminded Dragonlordxxxxx of his uncle's capture. A large lake now formed on the edge of his eye, accumulating weight before it finally descended down his cheek.

Meanwhile the dragon circled around the mountain once more. It was gathering more fuel for another shot of fire. Once it reached the summit, it hovered directly above the lonely lord. It took a moment to eyes its prey and then nose dived towards it. Rushing through the winds like a speeding fart, the ends of its wings were fluttering quite drastically. Its speed increased, its pupils dilated and then the flicker of death sparked a ball of fire from its mouth.

Instead of running or even moving, Dragonlordxxxxx simply gazed in the dragon's eyes and reached out his right hand. The dragon suddenly spread its wings out to slow down and withdrew its breath, inhaling a hefty dosage of its own medicine. Being legitimately stunned, the dragon glided down to the man standing before him. It looked him up and down and then also reached out its "hand". The two hands came together...



Instead of exploding into shards of ice, Dragonlordxxxxx actually felt more powerful. He named the dragon Cool Hand Luke and as he spoke its name, the dragon was swallowed into his palm. As its soul entered his blood stream, Dragonlordxxxxx's eyes turned a frosty blue and his right hand had become a stone-like color.



There was no need to travel by foot and to go through that dreaded forest another time, the official lord of dragons called upon Cool Hand Luke to fly him back to Afro Samurai's home. About a mile away he could see smoke emanating from her home and some of the surrounding homes were still ablaze. Dragonlordxxxxx decided to switch directions and instead he flew back to his rocket chamber. It was untouched and he had noticed for the first time that it had a name. "Xion385", he was in too much of a rush to glance at its outside when his uncle threw him into it.

When he pressed his fingers against the bold lettering the "X" part of the label actually separated. It created a small opening that contained a small object. It was a scroll...



Dragonlordxxxxx opened it up to read it, but before he could an arrow struck him in the shoulder. That's when the a silhouette crawled through the tall grass and appeared before the injured time traveler. Dragonlordxxxxx fell to his knees, feeling quite nauseous from the arrow. His eyes couldn't focus properly and everything became a blur, but he could see a shiny gladiator's helmet in the distance.



TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

The mysterious figure revealed himself as Palpatine, a wanderer with no home and no place. He had spent the last 15 years crafting his skills as a huntsman. Originally, he was apart of Tinobar's army but he was honorably discharged after he killed 13 soldiers for pinching his naked butt cheeks in the creek water.



Caught in the moment, Palpatine continued to reminisce about his experiences with the Tinobar army. In his rambling he even revealed the location of Tinobar's camp and spoke about how inept the soldiers were at doing anything but being slaves. The rant continued on but a few of Palpatine's words triggered something within Dragonlordxxxxx subconsciously. He felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as his heart began beating with fury, the dragon's blood in his system was boiling and he was becoming as wide awake as ever. As Palpatine turned to look back at his prisoner, the foreigner had already stood up and stolen his sword. In fact, it was on fire and Dragonlordxxxxx took two giant slices. Cutting Palpatine into pieces... literally.



After Palpatine's head hit the ground, Dragonlordxxxxx reached down and slid the gladiator helmet off. Keeping it in his right hand, he set the metal masterpiece on fire and molded his own mask out of its glory.



Dragonlordxxxxx read the hidden scroll and learned that his uncle had left him the instructions on how to not only travel with the machine... but how to TIME travel. Before he could leave this era though, he had to take care of some business. Dragonlordxxxxx raised his flaming hand into air and called upon Cool Hand Luke, releasing the dragon from his palm. Together the duo rode off into the sky, heading towards Tinobar's camp.



For two weeks, Dragonlordxxxxx tormented the army of Tinobar. Initially, he would burn their supply buildings and storage homes. Then he would commit genocide against their livestock. Eventually, he moved onto burning bridges, burning their hospitals and the people themselves. He burned each and every soldier associated with Tinobar until Tinobar was the only man left standing. And when he was, Dragonlordxxxxx cut off his balls and roasted them on Tinobar's own sword. Once they were nice and brown, Dragonlordxxxxx shoved them in Tinobar's mouth and then slit his throat. The lord shed a tear for his fallen brethren and with that tear he promised himself to capture moments like these... on camera... in the future.

He returned back to his rocket chamber and said goodbye to the world he had come to know. Once inside he set the time to 1861 and closed his eyes in hope of a brighter future than what he had witnessed in Malaka. The cryogenic suit and his dragon were the only ones guarding him on this new journey, but they were more than enough...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Gambitpool]

Update: November 26th, 2012

Dragonlordxxxxx Biography To Be Adapted Into a Film Trilogy: Ryan Reynolds To Star



Official Press Release: Sherdog Pictures announced a film adaptation to A13KS groundbreaking, masterful biography on legend Dragonlordxxxxx. The first of the untitled trilogy will be released in the summer of 2014. The untitled second film will be released in the Summer of 2015 in order to give The Avengers 2 and Justice League a chance of making profit. Finally, the untitled third part will be released in the summer of 2018. Sherdog Pictures will be running an Oscar campaign for all three movies. It is expected each movie will sweep the Oscars and directors like Christopher Nolan, David Fincher, and Quentin Tarantino will not win an Oscar like always.

After announcing the film adaption, Sherdog Pictures directly announced Ryan Reynolds was already cast as Dragonlordxxxxx. Reynolds is no stranger to playing icons. He has given fans Oscar caliber performances as comic book icons Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine and as Hal Jordan in Green Lantern.

Finally, Sherdog Pictures revealed Shia Lebouf, Chris Evans, and Samuel L. Mothaf@#&ng Jackson are in talks to play multiple characters. Jackson possibly as Dragonlord's father Oeshon. Lebouf as his mother Ronwah,Tinobar and CinderBlox. Evans as Det Kimble and Afro Samurai.

[A13KS]

Dragonlordxxx landed on American soil in 1860, he hid his rocket chamber in the Appalachian mountains. Upon his visit to the states, he had read about a thing called the Industrial Revolution. Dragonlordxxxxx was overjoyed, because he saw that this time period and this new world would provide him with the materials necessary to create a camera. He built his own home on land that was never claimed by the North nor the South. When he wasn't busy building and molding the parts for his dream-coming-true, he would fish for trout and kill large bears with dragon's breath for fun. He was all alone, when one day a run-away slave came hurdling down the hillside and collapsed into the stream from which Dragonlordxxxxx was washing his gooch in.



He took the poor slave back to his home and treated his wounds. Utilizing the finest Tiger Balm from his own time, the lord of dragons had the slave back to 100% in no time. The rejuvenated slave revealed himself as alphaomegaman. A member of an African tribe from Lesotho. He claimed his life was peaceful until the white man came to his homeland and stole him away from his family. alphaomegaman left behind his wife, heavyarms21, who was on verge of death from diabetes and their six children AllHailKrull (blind), CrazyJHL (spinobifida), Fijeeto (syphilis), Fenderson (ear cataracts) , Zookeeper Gabe (Bronchitis in his left nipple) and MajinSaga (bad haircut). When the curious slave asked Dragonlordxxxxx what he was doing out in the woods all alone, the time traveler said he'd rather show him than tell him.



Dragonlordxxxxx had revealed to alphaomegaman that he built the machine in his time here. He actually used it to "capture" the running animals and to forever hold the image of a drifting stream. alphaomegaman didn't understand, but then Dragonlordxxxxx put a film reel on the machine. He poured a vale of water into a canister connected to the camera and then blew dragon's breath on it. The steam powered the newly built machine and for the first time in human history, a recorded video image was being displayed on the wooden walls of Dragonlordxxxxx's home.



As both men stood there in amazement at what they were witnessing, a loud crack shot was heard in the distance and then splinters of wood flew out from the walls. Alarmed, the duo looked outside and they were treated to an unpleasant sight. The slave owners had finally discovered alphaomegaman's hiding spot. A group of 23 southerners surrounded the household. With vigor in their voices and fuel in their eyes, the men shouted for the slave to come out. They threatened to burn down the house and rape his corpse if he did not reveal himself. Dragonlordxxxxx stepped outside instead and to him that 23 felt more like a thousand.



Using his wits, somehow Dragonlordxxxxx convinced the men to trade alphaomegaman's life for a machine that could change the world. He showed them how the projector worked and handed the machine over to them. They left immediately and both men felt a huge sigh of relief. 17 days later after going out to see more of the wild, Dragonlordxxxxx had been walking home when he noticed a trail of smoke almost touching the clouds in the sky. Quickly, his feet started moving so fast they became a blur of motion. When he arrived to his home, it was barely recognizable. All but one wall had been burned down and Dragonlordxxxxx saw alphaomegaman's body lying in the midst of the ruin, under two or three ashy logs. His new friend had become just another piece of rubble and all the lord of dragons could do was stand over him, looking on somberly...



TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

As his feet sank into the ashes, Dragonlordxxxxx walked around his friend's corpse and brushed off any debris covering his body. He picked up alphaomegaman and carried his body over to the stream. Walking towards the center, where the stream was at its deepest and the current at its strongest, Dragonlordxxxxx shed a single tear of fire and let go of his comrade's soulless capsule. The waves carried alphaomegaman away as if he were simply a fish, weaving in between the rocks and flowing through the river without a care in the world. The time traveler went back to the scene of the murder and picked up a slightly burned and ashy jacket. It belonged to one of the men who probably joined in on the festivities of killing a slave. Dragonlordxxx removed his mask, put on the coat and headed in the direction from which the savages came from.



Forever alone... or so it seemed in those wheat fields. The solitude allowed Dragonlordxxxxx to collect his thoughts but at the same time too much time alone allowed doubt to invade the conscious thought. 6 hours had passed before Dragonlordxxxxx saw any sign of civility, but he had finally stumbled upon a decent sized town. Upon arrival, he was actually welcomed by the people. He simply fibbed a little told them he was from another town and got lost trying riding at night. The locals invited him to some drinks and provided him with shelter. One of the townspeople that showed up at the bar had a recognizable face. Dragonlordxxxxx stayed focused in on him, but he couldn't quite place him until he spoke. It was the leader of the savage crew who murdered alphaomegaman. He heard his name finally spoken, they called him fatalis. They were gathered around something but he couldn't tell what. When he stood up to get closer, one of the drunken men next to fatalis waved the stranger in disguise over. When Dragonlordxxxxx was close enough to sneak a peek, he realized they were watching something on the movie projector.



Tuned in like a herd of cows staring down the last blade of grass in the field, Dragonlordxxxxx couldn't believe his eyes. The images on the wall were of alphaomegaman being violated in every way possible. Not only did they defile his body by taking turns sodomizing him, they tortured him to death and then raped his corpse. What's worse was that most of the audience was in tears from laughter, they enjoyed this display of brutality... of-of savagery. Dragonlordxxx felt his blood beginning to boil, his vision was turning quite blurry and his heart beat was off the charts. Jim Harbaugh didn't have shit on Dragonlordxxxxx at this moment. Instead of lashing out everyone and unleashing a fury of hell, the angered traveler closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. In the midst of his meditation, a stream of crimson slid its way down his nostrils and onto his upper lip. He HAD TO keep his composure, but when he opened his eyes he only grew more angry...



When he awoke in his guest bed, Dragonlordxxxxx had been welcomed back to reality by a bedside nurse. She told him that he simply passed out in the bar after watching "some movie or something". Her name was KeepEmComing. As he looked her up and down, he realized his head was no longer spinning from rage or fury but from the sight of this goddess in front of him. When she smiled his heart let out an extra slow rush of blood and it headed directly south of the border. Noticing his package swelling, the quiet nurse blushed a bit and looked down at the floor in... something other than embarrassment. When Dragonlordxxxxx looked at her again, her demeanor had changed and the air in the room felt thicker and more robust.



He grabbed her hair and pressed his lips against hers. His snake was now overflowing with venom, causing his primary source of pleasure to now resemble something of an upside baseball bat. She jumped from her chair and straddled the ailing lad, digging her hands into his chest and grinding her hips against his. The passion was plentiful and they removed each other's clothing. Once naked, Dragonlordxxxxx grabbed her firm ass cheeks and reversed their positions in one fell swoop. Now, he was on top and she was on bottom. Teasing her, he slid the mushroom portion of his Ellenberger into her BJ Penn. She took in a deep breath, but when he pulled back she dug her nails into his back and forced his Georges into her St-Pierre. His Josh was Koschecking her Fitch with all of the might and speed in the world. To increase the pleasure level over 9000, Dragonlordxxxxx squeezed her Emelianenkos and she slyly slid her index finger into his back Fedor. Simultaneous orgasms were occurring that evening. By dawn break Dragonlordxxxxx's Dos Santos had been dried of all their Machida while his Bob laid between her legs, all of the Sapp dried out on her Southern lips.



TO BE CONTINUED...

[A13KS]

KeepEmComing blinked her eyes open to the sight of messy sheets and a pillow. The sun was now emanating a glow of warmth among the lands. Although physically she was quite warm, her soul felt a little chilly when she didn't see Dragonlordxxxxx sleeping beside her. She turned over and looked through the room's only window, glaring at the bar below. The men had fallen asleep near the projector. Fatalis was the first to startle himself out of a drunken slumber as a nightmare had shaken him. As he went to yawn, a rope had prevented him from inhaling much air. His eyes rolled to the left and then quickly to the right, that's when he realized all of his fellow soldiers were also roped up and hanging from the ceiling.



Tap. Tap. Tap. Most of the men were awake now and could hear the sound of Dragonlordxxxxx's fingers clanging against the bar. Too exhausted to scream, they looked at him wide eyed and scared. He lifted his grey hand into the air and unclenched his fest to reveal a palm. The men were bewildered but then a vacuum of air formed around the hand and rushing out of that very hand was a winged creature those men had never laid their eyes on. Its enormous wingspan gashed the bar's walls and cut through the wood like a saw slicing pubic hair. As the men tried to scream in horror, the beast opened its mouth and aimed a deadly amount of dragon's breath at the ceiling. Caught in the fire, the last image those men saw was that of two blue orbs behind the flames of hell. The men's skin burned before the rope did and as quickly as their epidermis was gone, the entire bar had collapsed into a cloud of fire and ashes.



After that day, Dragonlordxxxxx took KeepEmComing to the rocket chamber and revealed everything to her. She cried in his arms and kissed him profusely, communicating that she never felt at home in her town. Together, they decided to travel into the future. They would each take turns using the cryogenic suits to sustain their youth and beauty. Dragonlordxxxxx decided it would be best to introduce his projector project in 1890, when the world was ready for it. Every now and then he'd visit a certain time period to introduce new advances he'd created such as Television, Handheld Cameras, Video Cassette Recorders, movie theaters, drive-ins, DVDs, Blu Rays and so on... His life and his creations were now shared with KeepEmComing. They lived in a very distant future, no one is exactly sure of the time. Rumors have circulated that they've had kids, one of which was responsible for Laser Disc technology. But... they are just rumors and no one can truly verify them.



Before he could leave his personal past alone, Dragonlordxxxxx did make one more twist of fate. He had created a miniature teleportation device, allowing him to travel to very specific moments in time. It was small enough to wear on his wrist like a watch and he only used it for two reasons a) his inventions and b) saving the life of a friend.



First, he time traveled to August 6th, 1945 and rode his dragon parallel to the Enola Gay. As Little Boy plummeted through the air towards Japanese soil, the dragon and his lord nose dove behind it. Once close enough, the creature used its claws to break through the metal shell and hold onto the deadly device. Their bodies quickly vanished into thin air and so did the bomb, all three of them reappeared in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. An old ship was sailing towards Africa, on it were Fatalis and his men and the main hull was empty. No slaves were on board yet, no one but an army of savages had slept or worked on that ship. Before they dropped the bomb, Dragonlordxxxxx leaned forward and whispered a word to Cool Hand Luke. The dragon then spoke for the first and only time, screaming out "FATALITY!!!". Its voice traveled through the air with force causing even the ocean's surface to ripple. By the time the sound had gotten to the men, the sound of a bomb whistling through the air had overlapped it. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Fade to black.




Errrr sorry, I meant....

THE END